Unpacking the quiet pain of over-giving, the shadow behind being “nice,” and the healing that begins when we finally let ourselves need something too.

💌 Dear Fellow Adventurer,

If you’ve ever said yes while your soul was silently screaming no...

If you’ve spent your life being the “strong one,” the “nice one,” or the “good girl”...

Then this letter is for you.

Today’s adventure takes us into the shadows. But don’t worry—I’m right here beside you.

🌑 What Is Shadow Work (And Why First-Borns Need It Most)

Shadow work sounds spooky, but it’s really just self-love for the parts of you that got shoved into hiding.

And for many first-born daughters—especially the over-givers—it starts with roles we never chose but were forced to play. You weren’t just being kind… you were surviving.

Being the dependable one. The peacekeeper. The fixer.

Why? Because someone had to be.

You were handed emotional responsibility way too soon. Whether it was because your siblings were born, your parents had to work more, or life threw a storm your way—your nervous system adapted by becoming needed.

But here’s the truth I wish someone had told us sooner:

🖤 Over-giving isn’t a personality trait.
🖤 It’s a survival strategy dressed up as kindness.

😇 Welcome to the Dark Side of “Nice”

Let’s name what’s really happening under all that helpfulness:

• Quiet resentment

• Suppressed anger

• Guilt around setting boundaries

• Fear of being “too much” if you take up space

• A deep, aching need to be chosen—but never feeling safe enough to say so

We don’t talk enough about the dark side of being nice.

The truth is, most of us weren’t taught how to ask for what we need. We were taught to be easy to love, even if it meant abandoning ourselves.

But guess what?

💡 You're not selfish for having needs.
💡 You're not dramatic for feeling deeply.
💡 You're not bad for wanting to rest, say no, or be loved without earning it.

🔥 Let the “Good Girl” Burn

No, not you. Just the version of you that was taught she had to earn love by shrinking.

Shadow work is about grieving the roles that kept us safe but no longer serve us.

• It’s letting go of “the strong one.”

• It’s releasing “the dependable one.”

• It’s choosing to be real over being perfect.

You’re allowed to be messy. Loud. Soft. Quiet. Selfish. Slow. Needy. Tender.
And still… worthy of love.

🧭 How to Begin Your Shadow Quest

You don’t need to be “fixed.”
You just need to be seen. By you.

Here are a few practices to help you start:

✍️ Journal Prompts:

• What do I give that I don’t actually have?

• When did I first feel responsible for someone else’s emotions?

• What part of me is still trying to be “good” to feel safe?

💡 Daily Awareness Practice:

• Before saying yes, pause and ask: Am I giving from love or fear?

• Track resentment. Where in your body does it live?

• Say no to something small once a day—and don’t explain.

🪞 Mirror Work:

Say out loud:

• “I’m allowed to have needs.”

• “I don’t have to earn love by being exhausted.”

• “Resting doesn’t make me lazy—it makes me whole.”

🌷From Fixer to Feeler

This path isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about loving the parts of you that were forced into hiding.

You are allowed to want more.
You are allowed to be soft.
You are allowed to stop giving from fear and start receiving with love.

And I promise: the world will not fall apart when you say no.
But you might finally begin to feel whole.

🎒Until Next Time...

If this letter made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone—thank you for being here. I’m building a cozy, brave little corner of the internet for people like us—recovering over-givers, soft-hearted visionaries, and brave feelers.

Take up space.
Feel your feelings.
And remember—shadow work is not self-improvement.
It’s self-remembrance.

With softness and fire,
Wengie ♥️